A Beautiful Rose That Has Withered Away

She was sitting there. in the front row of the classroom.. She was the hyperactive chatty gal that I would love to loathe... At first sight, there was simply nothing extraordinary about her. I was annoyed at her seemingly uncontrollable mischievous personality. But then again, I looked beyond that and recognized her warm and mature personality... And that her large brown eyes enthralled me....Captivating me with her sweet and jovial smile... I fell in love with her........ There was only one thing I can... and must... do... I gotta let her know how I feel.. I did, and that's the start of a wonderful, forever lasting love... or at least that's what I thought. Those were the happiest times of my life. I would call her numerous times a day..... Life for me was heavenly. I had always dreamt of loving my other significant half to the max, even when I was a young child. This was a dream come true for me. She was almost the perfect girl I had dreamt about before. She loved me as much as I love her (I still do...). I would embrace her tightly to feel her warmth and kiss softly on her forehead. I long to be with her forever. Words alone could not describe the blissful times I had with her. Her distinctive voice would just banish my blues away. We never squabbled before. Life is truly a heaven to experience such a true love. For me, true love is always 0.1% lust, 0.9% attraction and 99.0% appreciation. I had always appreciated her and so did she. Those times went on for 2 years. But then, the inevitable happened. She became aloof, unresponsive and her cheerful disposition had diminished. "What happened to her"? I asked myself...Gradually, she lessen her phone calls to me. I tried coaxing her to talk to me but to no avail. Then, after weeks of coaxing, she finally told me that she had changed (she didn't know why, it just came all of a sudden). She told me that our characters do not match and sad to say that we should not continue the relationship. She implied that I'm a person who does not care much about the world around me (which is quite true as I don't trust friends and I'm quite a loner) She also said that there are small little things that also add up to her unhappiness. I was devastated... I didn't know that she felt that way all this time... Well, I knew about my weaknesses but I thought that she accepted them. I cried and pleaded her to stay on with me but to no avail as it was only the most sensible thing for a matured person (such as herself) to do. She said that its better for us to separate rather than go deeper into an unhappy relationship than is doomed to failure (which is, sad to say, true). I am still in a deep depressed state. Its been 4 months since she broke up with me... How I hope to be with her again. Its actually not her fault. She was doing the only sensible thing (to break up before we go any deeper). Sometimes, I feel like life's fragile..... A beautiful thing like love can be ended abruptly Feels like a precious thing had been taken away from me... Just like a beautiful rose that withered away....

Miss Of Love

The miss of a lost love can darken the soul. Wishing to see her in the moonlight or day can cause pain and it does in my heart. Her walk was of a God and her eyes were of the dove. Lost am I in this world without her. Her touch her sound the kiss of forever and the words that came to be. She died in my arms, and the pain will never go away. Some nights I cry praying for her to be here, but only alone I come to be. If only someone knew how the pain burns like fire slowly burning the heart. Tears are the only memory of her and her smile. No cure could be found and it was only up to God's time. So many things I still wanted to say to her and so much to do with so little time. Like to take a walk through a park and hold hands as the birds fly free with the wind or to make love on a beach as the waves crash to the shore. She was my true love and to see her go away kills my soul. I did all I could to make her time happy, we talk about memories and stories, went to the tree outside our house were I asked her to marry me, but most of the time I just watched her get sicker and sicker and on the day of her death I blew out the candle of our dreams never to light it again. Wherever you are I'll always be here waiting for the day we can once meet again. For when the day comes tears of the past will be gone and tears of the future will lead the way.

Broken Promises

Married 11 years. This is my one and only love. He proposed to me on a playground. This was the man who taught me the meaning of love. We were a part of what God truly meant to be as husband and wife. My best friend, an aura of comfort as I held him in my arms. Every physical and spiritual fulfillment in a man I ever wanted. Not once did I want anyone else. No one could take his place. 

We were to renew our vows. I practiced for months, my new vows-I would repeat them in the car, or in the grocery store silently. I could not wait to begin our next years with good histories, and good hearts. To show him in renewed vows how over many years, ups and downs, I held solid in my devotion. 

And then promises were broken. 

At first I focused mainly on how I couldn't even breathe without him. A pattern of hurtful words, plans never made and even an affair. I endured pulling him back from someone else's arms, his eyes so sincere with lies, his words so very melodical and spellbinding. I listened believing every word he said. I crushed every time he entered a room. I could not see or believe what was going on. No Christmas presents, no birthday presents, no anniversary plans carried through, talking to me like I was a stranger, a list too long to share. 

I often asked myself, 'What did I do?' or 'Why did he do this?' It took a while for me to figure this out. He had changed. I did not change. My love was still strong. I could battle all external things, but not the man himself. 

His last promise he made was that he was going to come back to me and we would live together always, never to be apart, grow old together. He told me he cried when he thought of what a mistake it was he said by telling me goodbye two days after Christmas. Then just weeks ago he tells me that his job has become more important and he knows I have a job that I finally have after years of looking. When a man picks a job over his wife...well it's time to leave. But that's not the worst promise broken. 

The one thing I asked him not to break was that I asked him not to put me through any more pain. This was my final outcome. 

I took the final step and decided to walk away. I am ready now. He has lost the one thing he should have never let go of. I think I deserve better. I am the one who has no guilt, or remorse. And it takes my own strength to break the chains I put on myself by loving a man and forgetting to respect myself. 

There is strength in the power of goodbye, it all begins with courage.

True Love Was Ours Then We Lost It

Almost 3 yrs ago I let my true love go, not because I didn't love him, but because at the time I thought it was the right thing to do. You may have all heard of my story - (Lessons in true love sometimes means letting go)? Well I still think of him very much and hurt from the lack of his touch and from the songs he would sing to me. This Man was very much In love with me. Every time we were with each other he would give me his fullest attention and I would give him mine in return. Everytime we were apart we would feel that crazy feeling until we would be wrapped up in each others arms again. Then the day came that we would say "so-long"... it was not a bad break-up or anything, it was a heartfelt one, meaning that we parted with broken hearts because we were still so much In love with each other He was needed by his children who lived thousands of miles away from me and I have children here where they needed to be at the time because their father was here too, (not living with me). I had no choice but to stay, at least that’s what I thought at the time. After Rick had left I waited for a call or an email, anything that would let me know he was safe, but I never received anything from him for a long time. I started thinking, was it only me hurting as bad as it seemed? I would talk to his friend Jay and ask, "has he heard from Rick?", 'yes! and he is doing fine.' I was so hurt that he would call Jay and not me because I thought he would be more concerned about me and how I was getting on with my life. I kept getting news from Jay about what Rick was doing but still no word, then I heard that Rick found himself a lady! My heart broke. After 6 months I came to terms with it - at least I thought I come to terms that it was over. I had started leaning on my best 'online - male friend, Ken'. We started getting serious about each other after a few months, maybe because at the time we were just two lonely people. In the meantime things were getting really bad at home, my ex was harassing me and I started getting concerned for my childs mental health, and my own, so I did what I thought at the time was best for us. I moved to another state which gave my Daughter an advantage because her grades went up and she had many dreams fulfilled and Ken treated me good but seemed always frustrated with me because he is so set in his ways ( which he never showed me online, but not in a bad way, just a snobbish kind of way at times). During some times Ken is very good to me and I do Love him. After being here a few months Rick showed up online and we started talking as friends even now deep down I was upset with him but I pretended to be over him. These are the childish things all of us do sometimes in life I guess, but a year later we started opening up again. Rick now lives with another woman and he loves her very much they have even just completed upon a home they bought to live in and his children have given him a lot of grief since his return. A few days ago he told me how special I was and told me he was still in love with me and missed me so much. He told me he was always proud to be by my side and told me he thought of me often and that I was beautiful and missed how we would write songs together and sing. He even told me I was the Best woman he has ever been with. And I told him I still loved him too and missed him with all my heart and all my soul but we have a problem now and we both are very caring to people around us. See now we have other partners and we don't have the heart to hurt them because for one I know Ken has been hurt 3 times in his life by women leaving him for another man and I am not sure of Rick's girlfriend's past relations but I do see the pain in Ken's eyes still from his heartbreaks and I won't be the cause of another. So now I have to live once again with this yearning inside me and the need to be with Rick because I ca't leave Ken without him wanting me to go himself. All I can say is I love Ken very much and I thank him for taking my child and me into his life and sheltering us from the pain I felt when I let Rick go and for saving me from the mental abuse that my ex was throwing at me and saving my childs future because she is graduating this year with High grades compared to the failing grade she had where we once lived, also for treating my daughter like his on I do Thank Ken very much so. But I also want to thank Rick for letting me experience true love because he did a lot for me too and to let the whole world know I still am very much I n love with him and no matter how hard I try I will carry him inside my heart till the day I die because I want so bad to be with him but I can't do that to Ken and he surely can't do that to his Lady either. Aching Inside Always, M